Night of March 31st
by Wicked-Minds
Summary: Words fail us, you'll just have to read it


Disclaimer:  No, we don't own the characters from "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World" or "Tales of the South Seas".  And we have no interest in any other characters that crop up in this discourse. No profit is being made from this story.  That one was tough to figure out, I bet.  Any logic, reasonable plot line, dialogue is purely coincidental and very improbable.

The setting is….Wherever you damn well please.

Description…..Words fail us.

A thank you goes to…A condition of anonymity has been promised.  These witness protection programs are really stringent.

Lyrics for Mac Arthur Park by Jimmy Webb are from www.songlyrics.com.

***

From Wicked Minds to our adoring fans: Oooh, thanks u guys.

To nobrains (waving frantically), I'm glad u like it.

To tasteles: u were nice to say u like it.

To kritic:  I just don't see y my speling shold bother u.  I can't read so how could I right.  

To juniorhi: (hugs) ooh, I like how they kiss to, 

To puryst: How can u say they really don't behave like that, people like my stories

To beargirl:  don't worry, it will be ok.

To Hera Fleece:  I don't let what's on the show bother me.  I make up all sorts of stupid stuff.

To Supernaturala:  This is just the first of 30 or 40 chapters.

***

Night of March 31st by Wicked Minds

It was a dark and stormy night as the branches swayed that supported the fragile structure constructed of the wood from the surrounding hostile jungle, ready to divest itself of the intruder into the high reaches of the strangler fig, that sheltered the diverse and unusual population that searched for adventure, secret desires, the story of a lifetime in this seemingly endless and inhospitable land, although luckily befriended by an untamed beauty after becoming stranded as they daily fought to survive in this land of lost civilizations and terrifying creatures desperately searching for a way home, a way out of this lost world; but then a new day dawned.

****

_Song lyrics:  
Spring was never waiting for us till   
It ran one step ahead   
As we followed in the dance.   
_

"Guys, you're not going to believe this story."  Ned had just stepped off the elevator.  It was just an ordinary day on the plateau, not an adventure in sight.

"You're right, Malone we're not going to believe it."  Marguerite didn't look up from the heavy gramophone records she was searching.

"I've discovered why the lizards' society so closely parallels ancient Rome."

"How did you get the story?"  Challenger inquired.

"Well see there were these two young lizard women who wanted to …"  The words caught in Ned's throat as he looked around at Veronica.  "…discuss improving their writing.  They're having a tough time with their spelling." 

Roxton's laugh was quickly changed into a cough as Malone glared at him.  Veronica finally realized there was something suspicious about Ned's manner and glowered menacingly at him

"Anyway, afterwards, while they were sleeping, I was wandering in the hallways and I overheard one of the lizards conducting a history lesson for lizard children.  It seems this gladiator came over from ancient Rome."

"Did this gladiator have a name?"  Marguerite, always the linguist, wondered.

"Malonio"

"He found a peaceful civilization of lizards who held festivals coinciding with the celestial events.  The celebrations and ceremonies were held in stone circles.  They adorned themselves with blue paint."  The reporter continued.

"Well that's very odd," said Challenger, "I mean, they really don't look druish to me." 

A voodoo drum rim shot was heard in the distance.

"How is it that you could talk to them, Malone?"  Marguerite wondered again.

"What do you mean, Marguerite?  I spoke to them like I'm talking to you".  Ned replied, a little taken aback.

"That's just what I mean, Ned."  Marguerite settled herself more comfortably on the arm of Roxton's chair and leaned back against him slightly.  "Have you ever wondered why almost everyone on the plateau speaks English?  Except for Jacoba's tribe, who never spoke English even though Veronica spoke nothing else.  This was necessary so that I would be the only one able to speak with him and could sell Veronica so that no one else would know.  But almost everyone else here on the plateau speaks English, the Christecs, the lizards, the gypsies, the Amazons, the people with the weird fruit, the children with the poisonous plant, the Hagan... Doesn't it seem strange that so many different types of tribes and they all speak English so that all of you can understand them?"

"That's a very interesting thought, Marguerite," said Challenger, stroking his growing beard and reminding them that they needed to ask M. Ramon to come by in the near future.  "If we put together the information we have gathered from our time here, along with the information on the shifting planes, as well as the energy from the windmill that brought the tourists from the future, added to the possibility of the involvement of professional baseball teams......"  Challenger was just getting started and didn't notice the others melt from the room.

***

Veronica followed Ned to the balcony.

"I don't trust Marguerite."  Veronica asserted.  "We know she's a thief."

"How do we know that, Veronica?  She's never stolen anything from one of us."

"We just know it.  Someone once said it, so it must be true.  Besides she's had a lot of husbands."

"Having husbands doesn't make you a thief.  And how do you know she's had a lot?"

"We just know it. Someone once said it, so it must be true.  Besides she has nightmares."

"What does having nightmares have to do with being married?  Never mind, I guess I could understand that.  But how do you know she has nightmares?"

"We just know it. Someone once said it, so it must be true.  And she loves caves."

"I don't recall her ever loving going into caves.  Why would you say that?"

"Someone once said it, so it must be true."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"How can we say all this stuff about Marguerite?  It wasn't in the show."_  
_"Oh, it's okay, we'll post it on fanfiction.net and it doesn't have to resemble the show.")_

_Song lyrics:  
Between the parted pages   
We were pressed,   
In love's hot, fevered iron   
Like a striped pair of pants._

Roxton was left sitting at the table, and made his decision.  He followed Marguerite to her room.  Stepping behind her his hands grasped her arms.

Marguerite was trembling. The touch of his magic hands made her weak. She had always fought so much in her life, but finally she could sink in the arms of this man who would always be good to her. 

"Marguerite, I know you're greedy, a liar, a thief, selfish, a wanton, cold-hearted, self-centered, and mercenary.  You sunk the Lusitania, killed Cock Robin, and you're single handedly responsible for the decline of Western civilization.  You have absolutely no redeeming virtues; but somehow, I can't help but love you."

The linguist was touched by such a sweet and selfless declaration.

Roxton looked at her with love in his eyes. She was so beautiful. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He would always protect her.

"John…" 

"What is it, Marguerite?"

"I feel a bit queasy."  
  
He became very concerned.

"Did you eat something that doesn't agree with you?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

Both suddenly fell silent. They remembered the time they spent at that cave… Could it be true?

"I need to be alone now, John," the heiress said, her voice heavy with emotion.

"But Marguerite, shouldn't we--?"

"Shouldn't we what?"

"Talk about it?"

"Leave me alone," the dark-haired beauty suddenly sobbed. Roxton looked helplessly at the temperamental woman who had captured his noble heart and left the room.

In her room Marguerite was sitting on her bed, staring at her locket. She was sad. No one loved her when she was little. How could she be a mother, if she never had known one herself.

She cried bitterly, because she didn't know her parents. Roxton who had hovered close to her room, heard her tears and he came back into the room. "I will always love you, Marguerite." He said.

Marguerite couldn't look at him. "I will never be worthy of you, Lord Roxton."

"Why? Because you have secrets? I don't care about your secrets. We'll always be together. We'll have a family and I will buy you everything you want."

He kissed her passionately and she felt grateful for his love.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Enough already, we get the point."  
"Yeech."  
"Okay, let's have a change of pace, Cue up the music."_)

***

_Song lyrics:  
Mac Arthur's park is melting in the dark   
All the sweet green icing flowing down   
Someone left the cake out in the rain   
I don't think that I can take it   
'cause it took so long to bake it   
And I'll never have that recipe again   
Oh, nooo!   
_

The air shimmered and rippled over the Inland Sea.  The atmosphere stabilized, and in it's wake was left a schooner, riding high on the water, its sails picking up the wind.  On deck three people, looked around baffled.

"What the hell was that?"  The woman in gripping the deck rail to maintain her balance, looked at the two men.  The wind lifted the dark curly hair.  The rugged handsome man at the wheel, his red shirt hanging open, shook his head and looked to the bare-chested Polynesian man who held fast to a rope, ready to lower the sail if need be.

"Any ideas, Mauriri?"

"This wasn't on any of our charts."  Mauriri Lepau looked at the shoreline, not recognizing any landmarks.

"Did David burn another hole?  I thought you learned your lesson by this time."  The woman's voice was light and teasing, but her jibes hit home.  She crossed over and fingered the collar of Grief's red shirt as she spoke.

Grief's lips twisted in both humor and embarrassment, reacting to the proximity of a beautiful woman like he always did.  "The sun's in a completely different position, Isabelle. It shouldn't be completely overhead; it's always to the north a bit.  We have to be very close to the equator."  

Isabelle Reed looked at the compass and then the three exchanged looks, shaking their heads slightly.  There was no reasonable explanation here.  The boat dipped into the water.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Alright now this is a stretch.  
"It's a crossover and what could be a better choice?"  
"We could do a reality TV show."  
"No, we can't, I've never seen one.  Have you?"  
"Besides, we can't let those TOTSS authors off the hook."  
"Well-l-l, you both have a point, but we're losing our focus."  
"Hey, we're posting on fanfiction.net.  It doesn't have to be consistent.")_

"David, isn't that a pirate ship behind us?"  Isabelle put down her spyglass.

David Grief immediately tensed and then spun the wheel.  "Better get us out of here fast, Mauriri."

Mauriri ran to raise the sails, the ones in the front of the boat.  "Can't you go any faster, David?  They look dangerous and they may try to rob us."

Isabelle immediately ran to help him.  "Maybe they have just robbed a bank ship and they have lots of money.  If we can get them to run aground and sneak on ourselves..."

"Isabelle, you're greedy, a liar, a thief, selfish, a wanton, cold hearted, self centered, mercenary.  You sunk the Lusitania, killed Cock Robin, and you're single handedly responsible for the decline of Western civilization.  You have absolutely no redeeming virtues; and you're the most dishonest woman I've ever met."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey, didn't you already say that?"  
"Yeah, but that was about Roxton and Marguerite.  This time it's about David and Isabelle.  Besides, I liked it.")_

Mauriri rolled his eyes again and pulled on the rope harder.  Then he thought about using it to strangle them both.

***

_Song lyrics:  
I recall the yellow cotton dress   
Foaming like a wave   
On the ground beneath your knees   
Birds like tender babies in your hands   
And the old men playing   
Chinese checkers   
By the trees_

In another part of the jungle, the air cleared again and by the side of a river, an elderly, white haired man pulled himself onto the riverbank.  He pulled the arrow protruding from above his belt.  He opened up his shirt and removed the thick waterlogged book; it's cover and pages torn.

"Most extraordinary. I always knew my bible studies would come in handy.  Quiet remarkable, really."  He found his spare pair of spectacles in a pocket.  "It's certainly a good thing I thought to pack a gross of spectacles for this trip.  I've certainly used up quite a few."

He patted his pocket, relieved to find his pipe still there, although the comfort of a smoke would have to wait until he had a chance to dry out.

"I wonder where the others are?"

A brief rest on the rock he spied until he got his bearings seemed like a good idea.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_This is better, I always liked Summerlee."  
"But isn't this getting rather involved?"  
"Don't worry, it's fanfiction.net so it can be convoluted."_)

***

_Song lyrics:  
Mac Arthur park's is melting in the dark   
All the sweet green icing flowing down   
Someone left the cake out in the rain   
I don't think that I can take it   
'cause it took so long to bake it   
And I'll never have that recipe again   
Oh, nooo! _

A raptor poked his head out of the brush, glancing around to make sure he was alone.  Really with all these trigger-happy humans running around, a peaceful, meat-eating biped didn't have a chance.  

"Although," mused Joe, "I think I might have a chance with the dark curly headed one.  But she's always with that very vicious broad shouldered male.  Hmmm, I wonder if there's a way…"

"Talking to yourself again?"  The voice came from the ground.  A cocoon lay open on the ground as the rather large beetle, crawled clumsy out it.

"Arthur, where have you been keeping yourself, these past couple of years?"

The imperious beetle nodded to the remains of the cocoon.  "Last time I take extra pay to do my own stunts."  Outrage settled on him.  "I thought we'd be back in a season."

***

_Song lyrics:  
Mac Arthur park's is melting in the dark   
All the sweet green icing flowing down   
Someone left the cake out in the rain   
I don't think that I can take it   
'cause it took so long to bake it   
And I'll never have that recipe again   
Oh, nooo! _

Veronica and Malone came in from the balcony, noticing the quiet.  No one was there.  A quick search revealed the treehouse was empty!

"They're not here!"  Malone stated obviously to emphasize the point for the easily distracted reader.

"Let's go down the elevator and look at the base of the treehouse."  Veronica said parenthetically so no one would find it odd that they magically appeared in another location.

Challenger was found with some kind of small animal that he seemed to be training.  George, the goat was bleating her impatience with this invader to the treehouse environs.

"Have you seen Marguerite and Roxton, Challenger?"  Ned asked the scientist inquiringly while eyeing the rather large rodent like creature.  He sniffed and turned away from the odor rising from the creature."

"They may have gone out, I really wasn't paying attention."  The redheaded scientist said abstractedly.

"Well, we better find them."  Veronica said determinedly as she turned to the gate on the electric fence.

"Wait, my Taxidea taxus can track them, I've been training it."  Challenger said helpfully.

"I don't see how.  It smells so bad, I don't see how it could scent anything else.  Whatever it is."  Malone said disparagingly.

"It's a badger." Challenger said clarifyingly.

"A badger?" Veronica said repeatingly.

"Badger?  We don't need no stinking badgers."  Malone said quotingly.

Another voodoo drum rim shot was heard.

"His name is Tom." Challenger said defensively.

"Alright, let's go."  Veronica said decisively.

Veronica, Malone, Challenger and Tom swiftly left the compound.

***

_Song lyrics:  
There'll be another song for me   
And I will sing it   
There'll be another dream for me   
Someone will bring it   
I will drink the wine while it is warm   
  
_

"So do you have any idea why a popular show with a star like me should have had such problems getting renewed?"  Arthur the Beetle was aggrieved.

Joe wouldn't look at him, he watch a pair of young raptors, a brother and sister scamper off down into the brush.

"Joe, you know something."  Arthur demanded.

"I think it was a problem with the producers."  Joe mentioned evasively.

"Give, Joe!"  

"You know how temperamental Maggie the T-Rex can get when she's broody."

"Don't tell me."  Arthur winced, burying his face in his pincers.

"A couple of producers came to the plateau to check things out, wandered across her nest.  Next thing you know Maggie has a terrible case of heartburn."

"Those Hollywood types eat a lot of spicy food.  Not good for the digestion."  Arthur was very particular about his eating habits.  "But there's plenty of producers."

"Yeah, and a few more showed up.  Maggie suffered a lot of indigestion.  Pretty soon the word is out - The Lost World is death for producers."

Arthur sighed.  He knew acting was a dog eat dog world, but who would have thought of the dangers of producers and T-rexes.

***

_Song lyrics:  
And never let you catch me   
Looking at the sun, oh yeah   
And after all the loves of my life   
After all loves in my life   
You'll be the one   
_

"Oh John, what are we going to do."  Marguerite clung to Roxton's arm.  She was so indecisive.  She was afraid to take a step without him there to hold onto her.

"I'll think of something, Marguerite."  Roxton patted her hand reassuringly.  "I'll shoot us something to eat, then cook it, then I'll feed it to you. Then I'll make all the decisions."

"Oh, John, you're so good to me."  Her needy, desperate voice caused his stomach to clench.  It might be nausea.

"How could I not be good to you?  After all what would I want with an attractive, independent woman who has a brain.  I rather have a frail, helpless, annoying, cloying female."  Roxton smiled tenderly. 

Just then three cannibals jumped out at them.  Roxton punched the one who grabbed Marguerite.  He shot one, but a knife from the third caught him in the heart.  Marguerite shot the one with the knife, but the first woke-up, hit Roxton with a club, who stood there with a knife in his chest.  The cannibal picked up Roxton's hat ran away.

"MARGUERITE!"  Roxton cried as he sunk to his knees.  Marguerite turned back to the fallen hero.  

"You've been stabbed in the heart.  Oh, John, what should we do?"  Marguerite wrung her hands.    


"You'll have to remove the knife, stitch up the left ventricle of my heart, and then go get my hat."  Roxton instructed.  "I'll be fine."

Marguerite reached into her backpack and withdrew the needle and thread she had there for emergency open-heart surgery.

"Damn it, Roxton, I'm an heiress, not a doctor."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey, wrong show"  
"Oops, sorry."_)

Roxton's smile came out a grimace as he prepared to face yet another rough and ready treatment without benefit of anesthesia.

***

Song lyrics:

_I will take my life into my hands   
And I will use it   
I will win the worship in their eyes   
And I will lose it   
I will have the things that I desire   
And my passion flow   
Like rivers through the sky   
Oh and after all the loves in my life   
After all the loves in my life   
You'll still be the one   
And I'll ask myself why_

Roxton slowly surfaced from the agony of a knife wound, even if it was to a very unimportant part of the heart.  But he didn't mind the pain, his hand was being held and his fevered brow stroked by the woman of his dreams.

"How are you feeling?"  The soft, gentle voice of the linguist flowed over the hunter.

"Not too bad considering."  His brave smile touched the mercenary heart of the heiress.  He didn't tell her he'd face it all again to have the joy of waking up to her ministrations.

She smoothed his hair back.  He reached up with his hand and stroked her check.  At her sigh of pleasure, he let his hand dip down her neck to the vee of her blouse.  With deft fingers he undid the button.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey, what are you doing?"  
"What does it look like I'm doing, or rather they're about to do?  
"You can't do that, we're posting on fanfiction.net so no NC 17."  
"You never let me have any fun!  And I still had left over terms from romance novels to use."  
"Don't pout!"  
"Okay, but can we at least get Malone's shirt off then?"  
"We'll work on it!"_)

A slightly disgruntled couple grumbled under their breath as they readjusted their clothing.

***

_Song lyrics:  
Mac Arthur's park is melting in the dark   
All the sweet green icing flowing down   
Someone left the cake out in the rain   
I don't think that I can take it   
'cause it took so long to bake it   
And I'll never have that recipe again   
Oh, nooo!_

On the Inland Sea, Grief and Mauriri spoke in quiet tones as they surveyed the shoreline.  Isabelle looked out over the expanse of water.  She noticed a strange ripple on the surface.  

"David, Mauriri, take a look."  

"I don't like the looks of that, David."

"Think the Rattler can handle the river we saw, Mo?"

"Better than it can handle what's ever coming toward us."

Grief spun the wheel and Mauriri and Isabelle trimmed the sails.  Grief aimed the schooner dead center of the river, unsure of where it might take them.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey, what happened to the pirates?"  
"Shhh!, I couldn't figure out what to do with them, so I dropped them. I'm no good at that action stuff anyway.""  
"Won't people notice they're missing?"  
"Not if you don't remind them. We're posting on the Internet.  Who reads that closely?")_

***

_Song lyrics:  
And the old men playing   
Chinese checkers   
By the trees_

Arthur Summerlee considered his options.  He could not hear the sounds of the battle he left behind, so either they had finished the fight or he was simply too far away.  Unsure of his location, he decided to follow the river upstream until he recognized a landmark or ran across his friends.

He'd been walking along the bank for about ten minutes when he heard voices and what sounded like cloth flapping in the wind.

He swung around and to his amazement some kind of boat was sailing up the river.  He couldn't stop the gasp as he recognized two of the occupants.

"My word, Roxton, Marguerite, however did you get a boat?  And who is your friend?"

A few minutes later, beside the riverbank introductions were made.

"David, your manners appalling."   Isabelle leaned towards Grief, as he stood over the elderly man suspicious of his claim of being acquainted.

"Isabelle, mind your own business."  Grief bent his head to speak in Isabelle's ear.

Summerlee bit back a smile at the familiarity of the exchange.

"Are you two married?  You certainly bicker as if you were."

The appalled looks on the two and the amusement of the Polynesian man tickled Summerlee.

A few compass readings later had the elderly professor setting off towards the direction of the treehouse.

***

_Song lyrics:  
I recall the yellow cotton dress   
Foaming like a wave   
On the ground beneath your knees   
Birds like tender babies in your hands_

Ned, Veronica, Challenger and Tom the badger could go no further.  The sun was setting.  

"Perhaps we should stop by the Amazon village and see if they've seen Marguerite and Roxton."  Malone suggested as they made camp.

Challenger's eyes brightened at the suggestion.

"Take first watch, Malone."  Veronica turned away from him as Malone realized his mistake.  

Ned sat staring at the fire as Veronica and Challenger settled in for the night.  Things were a lot simpler when he was younger.

***

Ned bounded into the kitchen in the treehouse.  "Hi Mom."  

Veronica turned, dressed in a modest housedress, pearls around her neck, an apron wrapped around her waist.  She smiled pleasantly.  "Good morning, you're better hurry with breakfast or you'll be late for Zanga school.

"Morning, Dad."  His red haired father looked up from his book and took a sip of coffee.  He gave a stern look to the youngest.

"Good morning, Edward. Sit down now." Ned took the place beside his older brother.

"George, please see if you can work on the washing machine.  It's my Laundry Day."  Veronica smiled graciously.

"Of course, dear."

"Hey Johnny, wait up for me today."  Young Ned said excitedly.

"Well you better hurry up, Beaver, if you want to walk with us."

The rumble of the elevator's hydraulic system announced an arrival.

"Good morning, Professor Challenger, good morning Mrs. Challenger, you're looking lovely today."

"Why, thank you, Marguerite."  Veronica looked askance as usual at John's best friend.

"Ready to go, Johnny?"  Marguerite stood impatiently by the elevator.

John stood up and drank down the last of his milk willing to follow wherever his friend Marguerite might lead.  "Come on, Beav."

Seeing both of the parents occupied, Marguerite leaned over.  "Yeah, move it, squirt."

"Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad." Both of the boys chorused.

"Good day, Professor and Mrs. Challenger."  Marguerite sang out sweetly.

"Good bye, Marguerite.  Good-bye, John.  Beaver, here's your lunch. I made you a nice raptor sandwich today."

"Thanks, Mom."  The three piled on the elevator.

As the three rode out of sight, Veronica turned to the man still focused on his reading at the table.  "George, don't you think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"You can't say that."  
"Sure I can, it's in the context of the script."  
"Big talk, from someone who shoots down NC 17 scripts."_)

Meanwhile, below on the trail to the Zanga village.

"Hey John, I got a better idea than Zanga school today."  Marguerite smiled wickedly.

"Want to go hunting?"  John wasn't always willing to listen to Marguerite's ideas but he thought he might like this one.  

"Dad won't like it if you miss Zanga school."  Ned put in.

Marguerite and John spoke as one.  "Get lost, squirt."

From a distance, Ned heard his mother's voice.  "Ned.  Ned!"  Someone had a hand on his shoulder.  "Okay, Mom, I'll be ready for school in a minute."

"Mom?"  Veronica was puzzled at the response.  Ned blinked and brought into focus the campfire and the blonde jungle girl who was again in her abbreviated costume.  "Are you okay, Malone?"

"Yeah, sure.  I was just resting my eyes."

"Go let the other parts rest as well.  It's my watch."

****

In the morning, with the aid of Tom the scent sniffing badger, the three were back on the trail.  The heat of the day had Malone stripping off his shirt.  Veronica cast surreptitious glances at the fine display of masculine pulchritude.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"There, are you happy?"  
"Hmm?  What?  Oh, yeah, just enjoying the view.)_

"***

In another clearing a couple were waking up.  Roxton sat up and looked about as Marguerite woke more slowly.  He began to pace.  "We'd better be getting back."

"Good to see you're feeling better."

"It was just a flesh wound to the heart.  Any red-blooded adventure story hero can handle that.  Let's get moving."

"We still have a problem, John."  Marguerite put her hand on her stomach.

***

Arthur Summerlee slowly picked himself up off the ground and rubbed his shoulder.  It would be good to be back at the treehouse.  He was looking forward to lying down in his bed again.  Suddenly he saw someone ahead of him.  It was a blonde woman, so he called out "Veronica!"

"Hey, I'm not Veronica.  Do I look like V?  I'm wearing black and I have this neat piercing here."  

"Who are you?  Do you know Veronica?"

"Sure, my name is Finn and V's my pal, we play in the treehouse together.  Who are you?"

"My name is Arthur Summerlee."  The elderly scientist announced with dignity.

"Oh yeah, the old guy, I heard about you.  I got your room."

"My room?  Young lady, you must be mistaken.  I am an important member of this expedition, in fact I am the grandfather figure and I don't know who you are at all."

"I came from the future.  Challenger, Marguerite and Roxton brought me back. It's fun, except they keep trying to teach me to read.  You want some gum?"

"What is this 'gum' you're speaking of?  Is it part of the South African aspergumus plant?"

But it was too late.  The air shimmered and she disappeared into the path of some strange vehicle.  Summerlee stood for a moment, pondering the impenetrable mysteries of the plateau.

***

_Song lyrics:(One last time on the chorus)  
Mac Arthur park's is melting in the dark   
All the sweet green icing flowing down   
Someone left the cake out in the rain   
I don't think that I can take it   
'cause it took so long to bake it   
And I'll never have that recipe again   
Oh, nooo! _

"I think he's found something."  Challenger exclaimed as the badger began to twitch excitedly.

"I hope it's a hole so we can bury him in it."  Malone said bad-temperedly.

"Malone, don't start speaking in adverbs again." Veronica said warningly.  "Now cut that out!"  She pulled her knife and threatened the authors.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey, she's armed! Don't make her mad!"  
"Not to worry, I'll fix her.")_

The bushes began to twitch.  The blonde jungle girl focused her attention on the bushes, but first gave a vicious look over her shoulder towards the authors.  Ned and Challenger held their rifles out.

"I hope this doesn't mean you don't want to see me."  Summerlee said as he stepped onto the trail.

"It's like a Christmas wish came true."  Malone shouted as the three encircled the long lost member of the expedition.  "We had a tree, and when we put a star on top, we wished that you would come back!"

"Now if we can just find Marguerite and Roxton our family will be complete."  Veronica said sweetly.  Veronica whipped around, knife out.  Er, ….um…. Veronica said in a voice full of sweetness.  Veronica nodded and sheathed her knife.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Whew, that was close!"_)

The four explorers set off after Tom the badger confident now that he would lead them to their missing comrades.  

"You know Tribune might have an idea where they are."  Veronica suggested.  She didn't have much faith in Tom's tracking skills.

"I guess we're off to see the lizard."  Malone remarked.

Tom stopped suddenly on the trail, his agitation plain to see.  The four listened carefully.

"Apemen,"  suggested Challenger.

"And trogs," added Veronica.

"And cannibals." Malone amended as he caught a movement in the shrubs.

"Oh, my!"  gasped Professor Summerlee.

A swirl of grass and leaves caused them to stop, as they wind died down, a stately woman, regally attired stood in front of them.

"Dame Alice, what are you doing here."

"Oh I just popped in.  I nearly got hit with this house.  You'd think people would leave them on the ground where they belong rather than tossing them about helter-skelter.  Who are your friends?"

"This is Professor Summerlee, Veronica and our pet badger, Tom.  If you'll excuse us we need to see the lizard about our friends."

Dame Alice let them pass, but gazed at them thoughtfully.  "I'll get you my pretties, and your little Tom, too."

A few minutes later, leaving Dame Alice behind the four explorers happily spied the missing pair on the trail making their way towards them.

The joyful reunion was heartwarming.

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"This is getting too sentimental."  
"What are you going to do about the Rattler?"  
"You mean I'm supposed to tie up plot threads.  I thought that was why we're posting on fanfiction.net.  Okay, give me a minute, guys."_

The badger began agitating again and the bushes rustled.

"Neddy!!!"  The very lovely, sweet, young girl squealed and threw herself into Malone's arms

"How did you get here?"  Malone was surprised.

"Did you think I wouldn't come after you?"  The delightful young girl hugged the reporter affectionately.

"Who is your charming friend, Malone?"  Roxton smiled at the lovable girl.

"Yes, indeed she certainly is angelic."  Challenger agreed.

Marguerite smiled charitably on the endearing girl.  Even Veronica wasn't proof against the engaging expression of sweetness.

Summerlee smiled benevolently on all of them.  This young girl certainly had won everyone's hearts just by being there.

"This is my sister, Mary Sue."

"How did you get on the plateau, Miss Malone?"  Roxton bowed over her hand.

"You must be Lord Roxton."  Her winsome smile was infectious.  "I just couldn't not follow my big brother."

"Where's your expedition, how did you convince them to let you come."  Veronica was impressed.

"I had to fund everything, and argue with the men to get agree to allow me to join the expedition."  Marguerite explained.  "It was quite the arduous journey."

"Oh I just told them to wait for me.  Everyone does everything I want."  She was such a loveable girl it was easy to see why.  "Now all of you look like your quite done up.  Please tell me what's wrong and I'll fix everything.  You see, I'm not really Ned's sister.  I'm really your daughter, Lord Roxton and Marguerite.  My life has been terrible, because I was deserted."

Marguerite had tears in her eyes.  "This is awful.  How could this happen."

"I knew you were a terrible person, Marguerite."  Veronica immediately came to Mary Sue's defense.

"It's okay.  We all know Marguerite's greedy, a liar, a thief, selfish, a wanton, cold-hearted, self-centered, and mercenary.  That she sunk the Lusitania, killed Cock Robin, and is single handedly responsible for the decline of Western civilization.  She has absolutely no redeeming virtues; but somehow, we love her anyway."

Marguerite sniffed.  "Thank you."

Mary Sue gave her trademark sweet smile.  The others looked on and couldn't help but smile in turn, she was so adorable.

"Now this is how it has to be.  Ned and Veronica, you have to get married by the pond.  Roxton, you and Marguerite will get married in the Zanga village.  Challenger, everyone will treat you like their father.  Summerlee, you can be the grandfather.  Oh and here's some Tums, Marguerite, for your stomach ache."

"Don't you think that Challenger and I are too close in age for me to treat him like a father?"  Roxton objected with a smile.

"Pish-tosh, there you go arguing with me.  Just do what I say."  Mary Sue gave her bewitching smile and Roxton nodded obediently. 

"Doesn't seem rather silly that all of us adults are listening to a not overly bright fifteen year old."  Marguerite pointed out.

"But I'm everyone's darling, so you have to listen to me."  Mary Sue danced around happily for the pure joy of it.

"Well if you say so, then of course," Marguerite agreed.  "But don't back up any further."

"Don't worry, Marguerite. I'm too appealing to be hurt."

Gulp.

"Maggie, what have you done?"  Joe hurried out from the bushes.  Maggie was staggering around having swallowed the irresistible teenager in one gulp.  

"Quick give her the insulin," said Arthur.  "That much sugar in one sitting can't be good for anyone."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"So we're going to leave it there?"  
"I think so, we covered just about everything. Crossovers, pregnancy, stupid declarations of love, animal stars, alternate universe, song fics, hurt/comfort, needy Marguerite, holiday fics, obnoxious know-it-all children and/or saccharine relatives of the explorers, lousy spelling, poor plots.  And as a bonus we even got the Star Trek authors."  
"We've got to do one more thing."_)

The short man walked into the clearing, looked around and then glanced at the clipboard in his hand.

"Okay, Rattler and crew, and the pirate ship, back to the South Seas."  The air shimmered obligingly.

"Dame Alice, you're history!"  The leaves danced in the wind.

"Stanislavski, get in here and take these three back and teach them how to stay in character."  A tall, white-haired man dashed over and herded the T-rex, raptor and beetle off screen.

"Props, bring back Roxton's hat, make-up get in here and make sure everyone's camera ready."  The young woman came on with hat and several others's followed to touch up the stars' features and provide a carefully tousled look to the explorers.

"Second unit, get some shots ready of the interior treehouse."

"Get the writers on the phone, tell them we need rewrite in an hour, and for God's sake drop the stupid puns this time."

(**Authors' asides:**  
_"Hey how did you do this?"  
"Called in special effects, nobody ever messes with them."_)

Back in the treehouse.

"Well, this was quite the day."  Challenger picked up a bottle of wine as Roxton gathered glasses for all six explorers.

"What day is it anyway, George?  I've seemed to have lost track of time."  Summerlee nodded his appreciation of the glass of wine.

"April first, of course."

All six explorers raised their glasses in a salute.

(**Authors' yelling:    
"APRIL FOOL!")**

The End!

(**Authors' asides:  **  
_Hey, authors, think we forgot you?    
Look again, some facet of your writing is probably in there.   
Our motto: No cliché left unused._)


End file.
